MC - Master of Coolness

Soooo, wedding planning has gotten a little crazy lately.  Our to-do list is a mile long and it seems like we have something to do every day!  It's fun, but my nerves are starting to get frazzled because it's hard not to feel like we've forgotten some giant detail.

Also, I plan on writing a very strongly worded letter to the makers of NyQuil for my emotional trauma that I have been subjected to due to the use of their product.  For some reason, NyQuil seems to give me nightmares.  Not just your average, being chased by a giant spider wearing clown makeup type of nightmares, where you wake up and laugh at their absurdity.  No, NyQuil seems to contain an ingredient that digs up your deepest, darkest fears and presents them to you in wave after wave of horrific nightmares, after which you wake up in a cold sweat and it takes serious time for you to realize that what just happened wasn't real.

 

NyQuil.  The nightime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, scare-you-so-much-you-shit-the-bed-and-forget-about-being-sick medicine.

 

 

Why am I blogging about this you ask?  Well, because last night I had a nightmare that I went to try on my wedding dress a week before the wedding, and it did not fit.  It was a real nightmare, at the real place where I bought my dress, with the real people that helped me try it on, and my MOB and MOH looking on sadly as three people had to try and pin a piece of cardboard covered in satin between the gaping wide zipper of the dress to hide my cascading rolls of back fat.  Okay, so maybe that last part wasn't realistic, but I still woke up hyperventilating and then pitifully begged Eric to tell me I'm pretty.  They should have a fricken warning on that bottle for brides!

 

ANYWAY. 

 

In happier news, we have chosen our MC!  This esteemed position requires a person who is funny, creative, affable, responsible, and classy.  There is nothing worse than that sinking, awkward feeling you get when someone up in front of a crowd is rambling drunkenly on the mike, saying things that are not remotely funny and all you can do is let out a shifty-eyed nervous laugh and pray that it's over soon.  Our wedding is going to be an elegant affair, so it was important we didn't select someone who was going to make us feel mortified beyond belief at their embarrassing behavior, but also important to select someone that will keep the evening moving smoothly and set the tone of the evening, so that nobody thinks its appropriate to end up puking off their triple rye and passing out under a table.  You know who you are.

 

 

"Soooooo I sayssss totheguy I ssssays...."

 

 

In my opinion, nobody epitomizes taste and class like my brother Justin.  When we were talking about choosing an MC, Eric and I agreed that he would be a great choice.  Justin is a sommelier and has worked at some of Canada's top restaurants in Toronto, Vancouver, and the Okanagan Valley.  In short: he's kind of a big deal.

 

 

Right?



 

We know that Justin will be an excellent host and make our evening wonderful, but we're also taking advantage of his skill set in a big way.  So in addition to being the MC, we are very excited to share that we've also asked Justin to host a wine tasting during our cocktail hour, where he will choose an array of fabulous wines and impart some of his extensive knowledge on our guests as they enjoy their hors d'oeuvres. 

 

 

 

"And...pinky UP...."

 

 

Justin will also be choosing the dinner wine (no Naked Grape for our wedding guests) and he will be performing the famous sommelier demonstration for our toast, which is sabering a bottle of champagne with a big sword.  I've always thought this was the coolest.  Not only are you lopping off the entire top of the champagne bottle (glass, cork and all) but if you turn the sword at the slightest wrong angle, the champagne bottle shatters all over the place. 

 

 

 

 

Right.

 

 

 

Wrong.

 

 

 

 

Deadly weapon.

 

 

 

So I owe a big thanks to my brother for agreeing to do all this at our wedding.  It's so exciting to see all the details of our day coming together.  I truly think it's going to be such a great experience for all our guests!

 

 

 

Do I have the coolest bro or what.

 

 

Happy Wedding Wednesday!!!

 

 

~M

 

 



 

 



Handle The Kids With Kid Gloves

Hey everyone!  We are now in Month Four of the Wedding Countdown.  I can't believe it's February already.  I also can't believe how the closer to the wedding it gets, the more the to-do list multiplies exponentially.  Honestly, that thing is like a wet gremlin.  And the nice, pre-packaged to-do list in my app?  Missing a lot of essentials.  Then there's all the extra things we've got planned for our wedding that need to be done, including the wicked idea Eric had for us to do instead of kissing after glass clinking.  (Oh, it's good.  Clinkers beware.)

Preach.

The time has come in the wedding planning process where we sit down with our stationer and design our wedding invitations.  Normally this is a very exciting time for a bride, but what comes before it is one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning, which is finalizing the guest list so we can figure out how many invitations to order.  Agh.  I have been putting off writing this post almost as long as I have been putting off finalizing the guest list.  If I could invite everyone I've ever met to my wedding, I would.  Unfortunately, trying to keep the budget under control prevents me from doing so.  

Deciding who makes the cut is agonizing.  But it's time to put the big girl panties on and make the tough decisions.  Still, I feel so bad when taking people off the list, this is all I can picture:

 

*whimper*

Another issue I have to face is trying to explain to the people we are inviting that we do not want children under 12 (save for Eric's two nephews and my niece and nephew) at the wedding.  I have thought of a million ways to say this politely, including the following:

"We respectfully request that you leave your children under 12 in the care of another for this evening."

"This will be an adult-only ceremony and reception."

"Unfortunately due to our venue we are unable to accommodate children under 12."

But of course, any parent who is told this only hears one thing:

"We don't want your filthy misbehaved spawns at our holier-than-thou event, so leave your damn wiener kids at home because WE HATE THEM AND WE ARE THE WORST PEOPLE ON EARTH."

At which point said parents turn from this:

 

 To this:

 I totally get it.  Every parent thinks their children are the most precious beings ever, and can't understand how a betrothed couple could possibly have their special day without the wonderful presence of their delightful little cherub.  And I'm sure that all those kids are as well-behaved and as funny and as cute as their proud parents say.  I'm not a child-hater.  I've taught dance classes for the last 15 years and I love kids.  I hope to have some of my own someday.  The reason that children under 12 are not allowed at the wedding is for one reason and one reason only.  Observe:

Riiiiiight.

We will not have spent 18 months of painstaking planning (and a small fortune from our bank account) to have the wedding of our dreams, only to have the most special moments of our day made awkward by a child's tantrum.  My wedding video will not be marred with muffled cries while I'm saying my vows to my husband.  My elegant, beautiful, sophisticated affair will not be interrupted by a tiny human rolling around on the dance floor during speeches while his/her parent looks on adoringly, thinking it's just the cutest thing anyone will have ever seen.  I just don't think a wedding is a place for a small child, and we will do our best to make sure that the parents we have invited will have a great time out sans their children, who are safe at home with their grandmother watching them.

I've had endless conversations and performed endless Google searches on this very topic.  It's incredibly sensitive, as the quickest way to offend someone and turn them into a mama-bear-angry-spider-monkey is to make them feel as though you've insulted their kids.  And that is truly not my intention.  So I went to my unofficial Difficult Wedding Decision Maker, the First Lady of Etiquette, Miss Martha Stewart.  

 

Oh Martha Stewart.  You're so wise.  Except for that whole insider trading thing.

From the Martha Stewart Weddings website:

"Is It Appropriate Not To Invite Children?"

MS:  Yes - especially if the wedding is in the evening or is very formal.

Thanks Martha!  Case closed.

So while we want to spend our wedding in the company of adults, I hope that all the parents out there understand that yes, your kids are adorable; yes, we love them very much; but no, we're not having kids at our wedding.  And we will be more than happy to come and visit and play with your kids after the honeymoon!  And maybe I'll bring Coney, just as a special treat.  ;)

Happy Wedding Wednesday!!!

~M