Handle The Kids With Kid Gloves

Hey everyone!  We are now in Month Four of the Wedding Countdown.  I can't believe it's February already.  I also can't believe how the closer to the wedding it gets, the more the to-do list multiplies exponentially.  Honestly, that thing is like a wet gremlin.  And the nice, pre-packaged to-do list in my app?  Missing a lot of essentials.  Then there's all the extra things we've got planned for our wedding that need to be done, including the wicked idea Eric had for us to do instead of kissing after glass clinking.  (Oh, it's good.  Clinkers beware.)

Preach.

The time has come in the wedding planning process where we sit down with our stationer and design our wedding invitations.  Normally this is a very exciting time for a bride, but what comes before it is one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning, which is finalizing the guest list so we can figure out how many invitations to order.  Agh.  I have been putting off writing this post almost as long as I have been putting off finalizing the guest list.  If I could invite everyone I've ever met to my wedding, I would.  Unfortunately, trying to keep the budget under control prevents me from doing so.  

Deciding who makes the cut is agonizing.  But it's time to put the big girl panties on and make the tough decisions.  Still, I feel so bad when taking people off the list, this is all I can picture:

 

*whimper*

Another issue I have to face is trying to explain to the people we are inviting that we do not want children under 12 (save for Eric's two nephews and my niece and nephew) at the wedding.  I have thought of a million ways to say this politely, including the following:

"We respectfully request that you leave your children under 12 in the care of another for this evening."

"This will be an adult-only ceremony and reception."

"Unfortunately due to our venue we are unable to accommodate children under 12."

But of course, any parent who is told this only hears one thing:

"We don't want your filthy misbehaved spawns at our holier-than-thou event, so leave your damn wiener kids at home because WE HATE THEM AND WE ARE THE WORST PEOPLE ON EARTH."

At which point said parents turn from this:

 

 To this:

 I totally get it.  Every parent thinks their children are the most precious beings ever, and can't understand how a betrothed couple could possibly have their special day without the wonderful presence of their delightful little cherub.  And I'm sure that all those kids are as well-behaved and as funny and as cute as their proud parents say.  I'm not a child-hater.  I've taught dance classes for the last 15 years and I love kids.  I hope to have some of my own someday.  The reason that children under 12 are not allowed at the wedding is for one reason and one reason only.  Observe:

Riiiiiight.

We will not have spent 18 months of painstaking planning (and a small fortune from our bank account) to have the wedding of our dreams, only to have the most special moments of our day made awkward by a child's tantrum.  My wedding video will not be marred with muffled cries while I'm saying my vows to my husband.  My elegant, beautiful, sophisticated affair will not be interrupted by a tiny human rolling around on the dance floor during speeches while his/her parent looks on adoringly, thinking it's just the cutest thing anyone will have ever seen.  I just don't think a wedding is a place for a small child, and we will do our best to make sure that the parents we have invited will have a great time out sans their children, who are safe at home with their grandmother watching them.

I've had endless conversations and performed endless Google searches on this very topic.  It's incredibly sensitive, as the quickest way to offend someone and turn them into a mama-bear-angry-spider-monkey is to make them feel as though you've insulted their kids.  And that is truly not my intention.  So I went to my unofficial Difficult Wedding Decision Maker, the First Lady of Etiquette, Miss Martha Stewart.  

 

Oh Martha Stewart.  You're so wise.  Except for that whole insider trading thing.

From the Martha Stewart Weddings website:

"Is It Appropriate Not To Invite Children?"

MS:  Yes - especially if the wedding is in the evening or is very formal.

Thanks Martha!  Case closed.

So while we want to spend our wedding in the company of adults, I hope that all the parents out there understand that yes, your kids are adorable; yes, we love them very much; but no, we're not having kids at our wedding.  And we will be more than happy to come and visit and play with your kids after the honeymoon!  And maybe I'll bring Coney, just as a special treat.  ;)

Happy Wedding Wednesday!!!

~M

 

Put A Ring On It

What's up!  It's diamond time!  Obviously when it came to shopping for wedding bands I was giddy as a schoolgirl.  I love jewellery, sparkly things and spending time with Eric, so this was such a fun day. 

Eric and I went to go see our jeweller John at Roger Watson Jewellers, in Osborne Village.  I really love how knowledgeable and passionate John is about jewellery, and the fact that this is a family owned local business that has passed through generations.  They have such beautiful jewellery in their display cases, and John is also incredibly talented at custom jewellery, which is what we were looking for!

 

I AM fooled by the rocks that you got...

We walked into the store expecting that Eric would choose a ring from the display case and I would need a custom set put together.  Because of the knife edge of my original engagement ring, we were having no luck finding a band that would fit flush against it.  We started with Eric, and as he looked at the tungsten rings, the fact that tungsten is not resizable became more and more of a problem for him.  When I asked him why, he said it was because if he ever needed a different size ring, he wouldn't be able to adjust the original one, and he would have to get a completely new one.  And he's not okay with that, because he wants to wear the original ring that we exchange on our wedding day for the rest of his life.  All together now....

 

 

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwe!

Love that boy more every day. 

So he looked through many rings in the store and settled on a couple that were in white gold and platinum with interesting designs on the band.  He couldn't quite commit to one, so that was when John suggested a custom ring.  He was able to choose the design, style, metal, and thickness of his ring and John took all the details to make a model for Eric to approve before he starts making it.  So as soon as Eric is back from Liberia, he will be able to go down and see what his custom ring will look like!

 

OMG! 

 

 

As for me, I was working with another jeweller at the store while John was with Eric, and I was just trying on rings for fun.  I already knew exactly what I wanted, so I described it to John in extreme detail when he was done putting Eric's ring order together.  To my surprise, he went to his workstation and pulled out an engagement ring he was working on that had no center stone, along with a matching wedding band.  It was absolutely perfect and exactly what I had in mind, with the small, dainty stones on each side of the engagement ring matching the wedding band.  So within 8 seconds I was sold.  The set is absolutely beautiful! 

 

 

 

Without the center stone...



I was very very sad to part with my engagement ring so that they could work on resetting the diamond into the new ring.  But they promised to have it back to me within a week, and even delivered on their promise two days early!  I have the wedding band safely tucked away for the day of the wedding, and now I'm happily wearing my engagement ring again.  :D

 

Yayyyyy I love it so much!!!  I'm so spoiled ;)

 

 

After picking up my rings and having another look at the wedding band in its box, I got very reflective and emotional about our upcoming wedding.  Sure, I am very excited about our big day and very wrapped up in the flurry of activity that is wedding planning, but what I am truly looking forward to are the adventures ahead.  Moving out of the condo and into our first house, continuing to travel the world together, building a life and a family.  I am stupidly excited about all the little things too - for example, I can't wait to use the word "husband" when talking about Eric, or to hear him refer to me as "my wife".  I can't wait to sign my name Mickaela Maxwell (my NAME is changing in 5 months, that is so crazy).  I can't wait for when we can pull out our wedding album and look back on the day, instead of looking forward to it.

 

I came across a tip in a bridal magazine to read a lovely book called Wedding Cake For Breakfast: Essays On The Unforgettable First Year of Marriage.  I bought it off Kobo this weekend and could not put it (well, my iPad) down.  The book is filled with funny and poignant stories from women writers about their first year of marriage, and I would highly recommend it.  Not only did I laugh, but I also cried a river of tears, but that could just be because my fiancé is in Liberia right now and I miss him terribly.  Whether you're right in the thick of your first 365 days, or you're coming up to your big day (like me), or if you're neither of those things but you just want a really good read, you should pick up this book!  It was a soothing reminder that the wedding day isn't the end of the journey or the light at the end of the long tunnel of wedding planning, but it's the first day of a whole new life filled with events - planned, unexpected, heartbreaking, ordinary, and joyous. 

 

 

 

Awe, look at me.  All sappy.

 

 

 

Happy Wedding Wednesday!!!

 

 

~M

 





A Healthy Dose of Honesty, You're Welcome.

 

Confession:  I spend a lot of time on wedding websites.  Like a lot.  I think every bride has this fear that you have only one shot to get your wedding right, to get it to be the perfect day you always dreamed of.  So in the course of the planning, the bride is concerned that while she may have in mind a seemingly perfect palette of color to complement the stunning centerpiece she imagines that magnificently reflects her and the groom’s personality, wit, charm, essence and flair, there is always this annoying, niggling little voice in the back of her mind that says, “what if there is something better out there?  Prettier?  Nicer?  Less expensive?”  So the bride pores over pages and pages of photos and inspiration on the internet, always looking for some magical little diamond in the rough to pop up and give her the greatest idea in the history of time.

No?  Just me?  Okay then.

 

 

An artist’s rendition of me looking at wedding websites.

 

It’s hard for any bride to plan a wedding without having at least one encounter with The Knot.  It’s a gigantic wedding website with tons of inspiration, photos, articles, vendor features, ideas, and checklists.  Not only are they a massive internet presence, but they have also branched out as a publishing giant, putting out endless books, planners, apps, magazines and products for the billion-dollar wedding industry.  So needless to say, I have spent my fair share of time on its hallowed pages.  So today I wanted to talk about my favorite section of The Knot: the etiquette Q&A. 

 

 

Because you aren’t a proper bride unless you consider everyone else’s feelings but your own when planning your wedding. 

 

Wedding etiquette is a hot button issue these days.  There are definitely some things that engaged couples feel they “have” to do.  A wedding is not just a celebration of your relationship anymore and the fact that you decided to take the plunge together.  It also becomes about pleasing every Tom, Dick and distant Uncle Harry in your family and trying to ensure you don’t step on anyone’s toes, make anyone feel bad, or make decisions that would reflect poorly on you as a couple.

To that I say, poppycock.

I know this might be a shock to some, but I am so not a “IT’S MYYYYYY WEDDINGGGGGG” type of bride.  I understand that there are compromises that need to be made and family that ought not to be shunned and concessions that need to happen.  We can’t have everyone and do everything that we want.  But at the same time, I am of the firm belief that you only get one kick at the can with this.  And the day should be everything you want it to be, within reason.  And if you spend too much time trying to please everyone, you will please nobody, including yourself.

 

 

LOLZ.

 

A lot of times when I read through these etiquette questions, I am like, seriously?  That’s your advice?  Come on.  I would tell that bride what's what!  So because I have less than 6 months of wedding planning under my belt which makes me completely qualified to dish out advice, plus I am a very honest (read: blunt) person, I have taken it upon myself to select a couple of etiquette questions from The Knot and answer them properly.  Read on...

We're having a small wedding. Do we have to invite Mr. Smith "and Guest"? Honestly, if I don’t think they are seriously dating someone, I don’t think they should be entitled to bring a guest.

I don't think you should be entitled to be such a judgemental douchebag.  Put yourself in his shoes.  How do you think Mr. Smith feels while you’re decreeing from your almighty bride pedestal how serious his relationships are? Then, how does Mr. Smith feel when he arrives at your wedding to find himself at a “singles table” like a diseased outcast?   I get that you’re having a small wedding, but here is the barometer – if you care about Mr. Smith enough that you want him at your exclusive affair, then you should be fine with letting him bring someone that he can talk to during the evening.  If you get angry at the thought of paying for Mr. Smith’s whoreish date’s dinner and drinks all night because you know he's a playboy and probably won't even be talking to her in two weeks, he probably shouldn’t be on the guest list.  Newsflash: you’re going to be too busy chatting up all the people you haven’t seen in a long time, getting your cheeks pinched from family who keep commenting on how they last saw you when you were knee high to a grasshopper, and spending 20 minutes in the bathroom every time you need to pee due to needing 6 people to hold your dress up, to babysit Mr. Smith all night because he has nobody else to talk to.  Singles should have people to accompany them, period.  Would you want to go to a wedding alone?

 

 

Singledom is contagious. So we have to isolate them.

It seems like since the second we got engaged, every third person says, "So, when are you two having kids?" We're not even married yet! How should we answer this?

Seriously?  Do people still do this?  So the advice on The Knot was to laugh it off and make some breezy comment about how we’re taking one big life altering step at a time.  Pfff.  Please.  My advice?  Put them on the spot.  Say something like, “Why do you need to know?”  that stops them in their tracks and makes them consider their rudeness.  Or something condescending like, “We’ll letcha know”.  And add a wink and a gun.  But seriously, do people still do this?

 

My brother decided to have his wedding on my birthday.  This really upsets me, because I feel he is trying to upstage me on my day.  How can I tell him that I don’t want him to have his wedding on a day that is supposed to be for me?

First.  Get over yourself.   You might be at the age now (I’m assuming, since you sound young and self-centered) where every birthday you get dressed up in your skankiest outfit, rent a cheap limo, and go out the bar with your friends while drunkenly shout-slurring “IT’S MY BIRTHDAYYYY” to every loser guy who buys you a shot.  But as you get older, birthdays are just a way to acknowledge that yet another year has passed.  Whoopdeedoo.  Who cares if your brother is getting married on your birthday?  He’s not a thunder-stealing asshole, it’s just a coincidence that your birthday falls on the only Saturday in June that his fiance’s favorite venue is available.  Don’t take it so bloody personal, geezus.  Second.  There’s a big party happening on your birthday!  Get excited!  If my brother got married on my birthday, I would be like, BONUS.  Drinking for free on the ol’ bday.  Boom.

 

 

It’s their party and I’ll cry if I want to...

 

We are trying to keep our guest list at around 175 people for cost reasons (it's the most we can afford to feed), but we certainly could have more guests -- as long as they didn't eat. Is it okay to invite people just for the dancing portion of the reception, but not the wedding ceremony or the dinner?

Oh pleeeease.  Really?  Just who are these C-list guests that you’re going to invite to come to your wedding at 9 pm?  And do you really think that they are going to appreciate being told in not so many words that they aren’t important enough to witness your marriage or sit down to have a meal with you, but they are permitted to come and be honored to be in your presence as long as they don’t cost you anything?  Just skip it.  Have the wedding you can afford where every guest is included in the entire day.  This is a classic case of wanting everything.  Get it together and realize that what you’re proposing is selfish, rude and makes you look like an idiot.

 

I am trying to lose a lot of weight in time for my wedding (six months from now). The problem is that I feel pressured to get my wedding dress soon (because of the three to four months it takes for one to come in). I don't want to have to buy a size that fits me now or get a style that would flatter my current shape. I am planning to be thin!  Can I buy the dress before I lose weight?

Straight up?  No.  I feel for you, because all brides want to lose a few el-bees before the wedding, I get that.  But what are you going to do if you don’t lose the weight?  Squeeze into a too-small wedding dress and end up looking like 10 pounds of sh*t in a 5 pound bag?  Not cool.  It’s a day where you’re on display for a long time and if you’re uncomfortable and can’t breathe or end up splitting your seams at dinner, you’re going to have miserable memories of the day, get down on yourself, and then gain 15 more pounds drowning your sorrows in ice cream.  Just order the right size dress for god’s sake, and if you end up losing weight, yay for you and you can get it taken in.  If not, which is likely, given that you’ve waited until six months prior to even start thinking about losing weight, then at least you have something to wear to your own wedding.

 

 

Wanna look like this on your wedding day?  No?  Then order the right size dress.

 

There was so many more I wanted to include in this post, so you can expect a more healthy doses of honesty in future blog updates.  And hey, if any bride wants some bad wedding advice, feel free to ask and I’ll include it in an upcoming entry!

 

Happy Wedding Wednesday!

 

~M