We're rounding the final corner toward the wedding and up and coming is Big Event No. 3 - the Bridal Shower. And of course, this installation of Inspired Bride wouldn't be complete without a
...I don't like bridal showers. Or baby showers. In fact, I kind of avoid them at all costs unless absolutely necessary that I attend.
(And in other news, water is wet and the sky is blue.)
So when it came time that my MOB and MOH and bridesmaids started talking to me about a shower, the idea was a little scary. My first thought was, "Who the hell would want to come to a bridal shower for me, those things suck." And then the idea of ME being the one sitting up on the lily pad being worshipped with exorbitant amounts of presents and wearing a hat made of bows? Forget it.
Never.
I guess the reason why I don't enjoy myself at bridal showers and the reason I struggle with my own, is that the typical bridal shower is SO not me. I'm not a girly girl, I don't ooh and aah over things, I don't enjoy crustless sandwiches, small talk, being in a room full of people I don't know, tooty-fruity punch with .05% alcohol, laughing at the guest of honor's abject humiliation, or spending a Sunday afternoon in a hot church basement smelling diapers that have pretend shit in them and trying to guess what kind of pretend shit it is. But like so many other things involved with weddings, you're expected to do what is typically done and not deviate from the norm, unless you want people staring at you like you've just suggested you want to go do naked cartwheels in the church parking lot.
At first I just thought I was going to skip it. There's no way I can pretend for an entire afternoon that I'm enjoying myself in a room that looks like it has been decorated by a monster that vomits pink streamers. And the eye-rolling, long sighs, constant checking of the iPhone and too much wine consumption? 1000x worse for you to do when it's your OWN shower, methinks. However, I was filled with a little bit of hesitation because I had an overwhelming feeling that I did want to do something - all my best lady friends in one room at once? YES. With cupcakes? RIGHT ON. So I started talking to my bridal team and we came up with a way for me to still have the full bride experience of a shower while cutting out all the lameness.
Hahaha! I just can't.
So number one priority: Booze. This is a must. Re. Quired. Sorry if this makes me look like a raging alcoholic, but wine makes most things better. I can't deal with a stuffy, hoity-toity afternoon event where we are served mesclun greens and puttanesca if there isn't at least a mimosa within reach. And for myself, if someone wants to stick me in a room with 30 people I don't know, there better be some means to liquor me up. So it's only fair I extend the same courtesy to others.
Second, no lame games. No bridal shower bingo, no "take the clothespin when someone says wedding", no mad libs, nothing of that nature. It's bad enough being invited to a bridal shower, without being forced to participate in some ridiculous exercise like "let's see how many of these incredibly common items are in your purse." I'm intensely competitive, and any of my friends will admit I'm not any fun to play games with because of how seriously I take it. I once schooled a group of 12 year olds at Harry Potter Scene-It. At Christmas. It was their game they just got for Christmas. I take winning very seriously. And even I can't get into these pointless games that are played at showers.
Let's not.
Next...music! To me, silence can get extremely awkward. It's usually during long drawn out silences that I will break the tension by saying something inappropriate because I just can't take it anymore. And the hush that falls over the crowd at a shower when the bride is opening her painstakingly wrapped shoal grey bed linens? Probably right before I spill my wine, break the glass, slurringly giggle "whoooops" and get the death stare from the trio of women in polka dotted dresses who finished their mad libs 15 minutes ago. So I am all for having some sweet Top 40 tunes at the shower. If I'm gonna eat a crustless sandwich, at least I can do it while shimmying to "Blurred Lines". It's a party! We need some music!
And last, you can't beat MOB's cupcakes and you KNOW they're going to make an appearance. So now, this is sounding awesome to me.
Am I right?
I have to say in all seriousness though, that the outpouring of love and congratulations that has come in since we got engaged has been absolutely wonderful. And it has been awe-inspiring to see my family and bridal party come together for me and put together these experiences for me that have made this process even more amazing. Just look at these insanely beautiful shower invitiations:
GAHHHHH
This process has made me so incredibly grateful and happy - it's one thing to feel loved by the people closest to you. It's on a completely different level to feel loved for exactly who you are and to have it celebrated and to feel totally supported. Not once did any of my bridal team tell me that I needed to change my views and alter my plans. I never once have felt pressure to conform to societal bridal norms. You don't want to do a bouquet toss? Cool. You want to have beer at your bridal shower? Done. You want your bachelorette in Vegas? Let's go. You want a guy in your bridal party? He's game. You want to put shoes on your bridal registry? Power to you! How COOL is that? I love everyone! I'm so excited for what's to come in the next two months. And I can't wait to knock back a few with all the wonderful awesome women in my life at my shower, which I know is going to be totally rad. ;)
Happy Wedding Wednesday!
~M
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