An Inspired Bride: Un-Bachelorette Party

The bachelorette party is considered one of the “Big Four” wedding events prior to the actual wedding, with the engagement party, social, and bridal shower rounding out the superfecta. We already had our engagement party which you can read about here, and now that I have selected my first two bridesmaids, which you can read about here, we got to talking about my bachelorette party.

The idea of a traditional bachelorette party makes me recoil in disgust. And let’s just get this out of the way, I’m not trashing anyone who has had this type of bachelorette party. I'm sure they are all very nice girls, and yes, I should probably lighten the hell up. But it’s just really not for me. I am turning 30 this year, and in no way would I ever be caught dead taking the Bada Bing Party Bus to Whiskey Dix, wearing a fake veil, a plastic tiara and penis jewellery. Nobody would ever get me into a white tank top emblazoned with “SUCK 4 A BUCK” written in sharpie, covered in lifesavers, and then force me to perform demeaning tasks in front of strangers whilst sloppy ass drunk. This would not take place in a million years.

Djyooouwanna kiss me ’cause isss totally my las nightoffreeeedom?!

Never.

I also don't really understand the whole "final fling before the ring" concept. So what, when you get married your social life goes out the door? Better party one last time, because after this it's in the kitchen barefoot with you! What? That makes no sense.

So when the time comes that your bridesmaids ask you, “What do you want to do for your bachelorette party?” there are thankfully a few other options to consider than the aforementioned night of pure embarrassment.

The Spa Party: Oh, we are so classy. Mani-pedis, massages, facials, pleasant conversation, finger sandwiches, champagne and giggling.

Such wonderful PG fun!

The House Party: Oh, we are so naughty. Games which require you to tell deeply personal stories about your sex life, a penis cake with shaved coconut pubes, opening lingerie in front of your mom, and eating pizza. At least you think you’re going to eat pizza until you realize the pizza delivery guy is carrying an empty pizza box, and comes into your house and takes off his clothes to a Justin Timberlake song while everyone shrieks.

“OMG, fuzzy handcuffs everyoneeee! Hahahahahaaaaaa!”

The Theme Party: Oh, we love attention. Everyone goes out for dinner and dancing dressed in specific attire, in order to attract the most amount of staring. Popular choices: leis, little black dresses, matching pink t-shirts or feather boas.

Don't even THINK about coming without bunny ears.

None of this really appeals to me at all, so I'm reinventing the wheel. I decided instead of having one big bachelorette party, I am going to have several smaller UN-bachelorette parties! Which basically equate to many fun times with my girlfriends loosely based around the idea that I am getting married soon so we should drink to that!

A very merry unbachelorette....

First up: Tara and Melissa and I have been talking about taking a Vegas trip for what seems like forever, but with our schedules and everyone being so busy and buying houses and life getting in the way, we could never make it work. So now with all of us turning 30, we vowed that we would go this year, so this is our big co-birthday un-bachelorette celebration!

Oh, how I love thee.

We are headed there at the end of July, and yes I know that it will be hotter than balls. I have been to Vegas in July before and felt like a fried egg on the sidewalk. But it was the only weekend that we could make it work between the three of us. It just means lots of extra pool time, so I’m fine with it! We are staying at the Cosmopolitan Hotel which is brand new on the strip, where I plan to drink many a cosmopolitan.